Mom Turns 4

Both bubs got to celebrate their mom's birthday tonight (hopefully this blog will publish tonight... the 16th). I prepped Bubs 1 yesterday and today. "Bubs, it's mommy's birthday tomorrow. We're going to sing to her and eat cake," I repeated to him on our car ride home after work yesterday. "What? Are you kidding? What are you saying?" he kept replying. I'm not sure where he learned these scripted responses, but it was creeping me out. "No, bubs. Mommy's birthday is tomorrow," I said again. "She's going to turn (age concealed)." Bubs replied, "Noooooo, she's 4 daddy." He was adamant. He wouldn't accept any other age except 4. We got into a little power struggle. He said she was 4 and I came back with her real age. He was starting to get angry. I stopped, because I knew he won even though he was wrong.


Sometimes I just want to tell this kid that I'm 10x his age and I know a thing or two about a thing or two.


I then remembered that he had recently watched Yo Gabba Gabba's episode where the green-striped dude with lanky, long arms that bend in strange ways (Brobee) was celebrating his birthday. Except it was a surprise birthday that Brobee was having planned for him (I think it's a he). So I just assumed that Bubs 1 was repeating some script in that episode. Based upon this assumption, I added, "But we have to make her a card secretly. It'll be a surprise. Don't tell her." He loved that. "A surprise?" he asked excitedly.

We were cool again.

Since things never exactly turn out the way I plan them, I ended up buying a birthday card today. For one reason or another, we just lost track of time last night and never got that birthday card started. Although we did get to add some glitter glue to the card I bought today and that added some authenticity. Bubs 1 even signed it upon request. He must get that request all of the time in preschool. I notice that his artwork has his name on every piece that is sent home in his backpack. The bubs had his own birthday a couple months ago, so the concept is especially fresh after figuring in the Yo Gabba Gabba birthday show.

Bubs 2 was quiet. He seemed to be in amazement. He just starred at this candle-lit cake in the middle of the table as we all sat in the dark... singing. If he knew better, he'd likely believe that he was in the middle of a cult-like seance. Lucky for him, he's only had limited exposure to things. He has witnessed a three birthdays, at least, so that should have helped him see some degree of normalcy in the ritual. His birthday is next.

I've had some fun birthday parties in my past. Let's see, I've visited the Statue of Liberty on one, although we didn't get to climb to the top due to the 100-plus temps inside Lady Liberty that day (August too). What else? There was... well... hmmm... I'm drawing blanks. My CRS is setting in. I'm sure that I had a few good ones. It seems that my birthday always fell on, or around, some other events anyway, so maybe that's why it's hard to remember. That' s ok, because I'm not big on being in the spotlight. I've had a few birthdays and holidays that spent on my own and I was perfectly ok with that. Especially when I lived out in California, where I spent a couple Thanksgivings and one Christmas completely on my own. It really wasn't bad, because I was living just two blocks from the ocean in beautiful Huntington Beach... and there was always a football game on the television. I have "loner training" too.

I spent many years, as a teenager, being a loner. I went to four different high schools in four years and attended who-knows-how many colleges over a 14-year-undergraduate career before earning my "four-year" degree. I find comfort in being alone, because I had to. The bubs mom likes her solo time too and that's why we click.

As for both bubs, well... I think Bubs 1 can find some utility in his alone time. However, Bubs 2 hates it. He's a people guy. Don't let him see you walk by, if he's alone.

He'll make you come back and pick him up.

Election Day. It Takes a Village...

Differently abled events

The General Election is this Tuesday and the bubs' mom just told me that Bubs 1 learned about the word "vote" last week. He learned the concept while watching a cartoon. The program had the characters voting on weather to play on the slide or on the swings. Perhaps not the most pressing issue to me, but likely one for a 4-year old. Not only that, but the cartoon's characters ended up voting on the swings, because all of them could use the multiple swings at the same time where only one at a time could use a slide. It was a message about community over individualism.
 
I was wondering when Bubs 1 (and Bubs 2) would be ready for me to teach them about the little-discussed issues invisibly prevalent in American society. Issues like systematic racism, which perpetuates disproportionate percentages of minority and working-class cultures without college degrees and therefore earning a lower-than-meaningful wage. Issues that question why these same populations are over represented inside our prisons. Or on other issues, such as corporate greed, which exploits low-wage earners, prevents class mobility and has a hand in creating poverty. I hope to soon (relatively) discuss these issues with both bubs. I want to discuss how power operates below the surface in our society and somehow manages to influence many of us to buy into their discourse of "work hard and all can achieve the dream."

These issues are important because as we get ready to choose a president it's these very issues that influence, or affect, public policy.

Walking for a cause

As you've witnessed, my blog posts move all over the place. It's gone from what books Bubs 1 loves to read to threading in stories about me and how it relates to both bubs to just plain old political rambling. At the end of the day, it's all an artifact for both bubs to enjoy later on in their lives.They'll certainly learn more about their dad, as well as their past.

Bubs 1 donating canned food

Moving on with this post's discussion: I want to take one example of a term that is packed with assumptions. Many people seem to hold onto a belief that "hard work" will make you successful. I put this term in quotes, because there are multiple understandings of what it actually means. My hope is to teach both bubs how to identify the misleading assumptions in words, like "hard work." I hope that both bubs will soon understand that hard work doesn't promote the same successes. This is not to promote working less hard, but rather understanding that words are used loosely in our society. For example, just as someone may be working hard in school inside a grand university library, somebody else may be working just as hard inside their two bedroom apartment as they study for a test, but also have to babysit their younger siblings while their mother works a second job at night. In this instance (and there are many of these instances in our society), simply working hard may not deliver the same outcomes. These extrinsic forces, beyond one's control, are rarely mentioned when discussing "hard work" in our society. It's assumed to believe that we all begin on a level playing field. There are other examples of "working hard" around us too.

At a local Hurricane Sandy relief center

When I was a middle school student, I remember my father leaving the home. He moved to the next state where there was a job waiting for him. This job moved him up in class status. He spent the previous few years taking classes to earn his education while my mother worked a secretary job at a not-so-nearby high school. Years later, I remember talking with my father about "working hard." I listened to him talk about how he had to "pull (himself) up by (his) boot straps" and get serious about getting himself an education. He was referring to that period of his life when he returned to college.

I realized that he neglected to mention the fact that he had a wife who worked full-time and carried the family health insurance. He also didn't mention that he had a job, which allowed him the luxury of making his own schedule and even allowed him to work less than full time. His hard work is not questioned, but his further comments on how everybody should just simply "work harder" to achieve their goals lacks understanding of culture in our society.

My father's individual-minded account of his hard work reminds me of former Gov Mitt Romney's recent campaign. All throughout his presidential campaign, he repeated a story about an honor roll school student. He said that he wouldn't share credit with a school-bus driver for a student achieving the honor roll in school. To me, it seems that Romney doesn't grasp the working class culture very much. This is enough for me to question why he's even chosen to represent a very large nation with a large working class population. Many of us do not have the luxury to drive our kids to school, work part-time hours or have a spouse who can carry the family insurance in order to complete a college degree. It's an ideology of individualism over community. 

Resting before the community run

So in 12 more years I'm hoping that Bubs 1's first voting experience will be one where he is well informed on not the candidates, but rather the unspoken party ideologies represented. I hope he decides to vote for the candidate who's social location reflects that of the "many" and not the "few," because there's a disconnect between the two cultures. For example, Romney tended to expose his own culture gap routinely throughout his campaigning. His class status does not reflect the majority of American society. Instead, he likely has experience in promoting low-wage jobs and economic hardship on families with the businesses that he folded and models designed to operate others "more efficiently." Although our congressional institution generally produces richer individuals when they leave office (than when they entered office), I hope Bubs 1 (and Bubs 2, for that matter) chooses the party ideology that more closely reflects the cultures of the working class. The true character of a nation can be measured by how it treats its poor, according to former judge Hugo Black. This is how I hope both bubs look at the situation too, because simply pulling up your own bootstraps doesn't necessarily guarantee equality.

Bubs 1's first official run

At the starting line

Maybe there is more time for both bubs to absorb all of this as they head down their own paths. For now, both bubs' mom and I can actively participate them in community efforts like bringing canned food for those who cannot afford, running in local runs/races to support nearby community centers and walking for differently-abled individuals who get labeled in our society.

All of the pics in this blog post are of  Bubs 1 interacting in his community. His mom and I will promote community over individualism, which will hopefully plant a seed. We know that Bubs 2 is watching and hopefully he will learn this valuable lesson as well.

Walk for Autism

Bubs 2 couldn't hang

Bubs 1, 2, their mom and I recently walked to support autism. Autism Speaks was the nonprofit that organized this walk. Bubs 1 walked the entire way, while Bubs 2 rode (and slept) in the jogger/stroller. We walked in teams. We walked with Bubs 1's Occupational Therapist's team and had a fun time. The bubs' mom raised almost $250 for the nonprofit.

Bubs 1 and mom walking

We knew about the controversy that surrounded this nonprofit prior to the walk. Apparently, this group uses language, which many individuals with Autism and parents of children with Autism, find offensive. I happened upon a blog while searching the Internet for this discussion on the language issue. I read this writer's comment, "... and I do not want my children, when they're older, to feel that they are diseased or poisoned or otherwise flawed, and it will be hard for them to escape that message given the common perceptions of autism in our society..." and instantly thought about Bubs 1's future perception of himself. How crazy would it be to consider this walk detrimental to those individuals on the spectrum? It would depend on how influential you think language is in our society. It's a deeper understanding than just simply dismissing that idea by stating that the walk is only guilty of raising awareness of ASD. The message I took away from this walk is that ASD is larger than commonly aware in our society, but more to the blogger's point, the walk helped perpetuate the notion that individuals with ASD are different from others, rather than promoting the opposite. We're all human beings, right? There is a discourse out there that says individuals with ASD cannot operate in society. Why not addressing the limits that society constructs and erase these invisible lines of demarcation? There's no need to point out the differences, because those "differences" are a social construction being misinterpreted as biological fact.

Another statistic

I'll be sure to teach both bubs about the construction of language and how power influences a culture's words. I'll also be sure to point out how a dominant culture's language tends to label, categorize and also dismiss cultureal norms outside of the mainstream culture.

Positioned stats along the walk

As both bubs grow and participate in the multiple social institutions they're going to be more and more submersed into the mainstream language (and its knowledge). We'll discuss the rules that will affect their lives. They'll likely question some of them and not others. We'll dig deep into the reasons why some of these rules were constructed. From there, we'll figure out who benefits from these rules, if anyone does at all. It'll be fun to deconstruct the world around us in order to better understand it. This will empower them to be more informed information consumers, which will help prevent them from being misled or unjustily influenced. I make it my job to share this education with them.

Bubs 1 and mom walking

Bubs 1 waves to a cow

Why do I want to do this? As a kid, who grew up with Type 1 Diabetes and I understand what it is like to exist on the periphery of the mainstream. For a long time, up until relatively recently, I wasn't even aware that I was on the fringe. I wasn't aware that my disease had a constructed discourse interpreting it. I simply assumed it all to be scientific "facts." I was different, according to the mainstream. I had no reason to disagree since I was surrounded by this common discourse. I ended up forging a life where I was different. It was subtle in some instances, and huge in others. Necessary? No. My school was the first social institution that reconstructed society and trained me to be different. For example, in elementary and middle school teachers and administrators told me to eat my mid-morning snack in the nurse's office because food was not allowed in the classroom. They were afraid of introducing my diabetic condition into the mainstream, because assimilation was more important. They decided to hide me, which I interpreted to mean that I should keep this disease quiet. And that's what I did. That's how I operated my life. The unconscious turmoil/conflict was never identified and dealt with. Rather, it just came out as low self esteem.

Ocean background

The bubs lives in a different world today. Medical conditions are typically well explained to students in the classrooms - not hidden. I've witnessed many medical conditions addressed inside the classroom when I was observing and student teaching inside classrooms.

Kids understand more than we give them credit for.

Censorship is never the answer and Autism Speaks doesn't act like my school's officials did. In fact, AS does just the opposite. Autism Speaks held a walk and promoted the statistics that describe how many people are different in our society. It's a paradigm shift to think of the limits society places on the mainstream. Instead, we've been trained to point out the individuals who differ. AS falls short of erasing these invisible lines.

Bubs 1 Turns 4

Bubs 1, mom and Grandpop Bernie

Bubs 1 turned four years old, two Sundays ago. He understood the birthday-concept thing this year too. His mom and I kept the celebration low key, because he's not a big on crowds. At least we don't think that he is. Maybe he'll surprise us one day, but from what we've seen thus far... he seems to function more comfortably in intimate settings.

Bubs 1 about to blow out his candles

Bubs 2 observed. He's learning a lot about life by simply watching his big brother. Their age difference is just over three years, so this automatically makes Bubs 1 a role model for Bubs 2. From what I've experienced so far, Bubs 1 is more of a teacher to Bubs 2 than both their mom and me put together. Bubs 1 must fall within Bubs 2's zone of proximal development simply due to his closeness in age. Being so close in age must make Bubs 1 a more meaningful teacher. His mom and I are just too darn old (and uncool) to be taken seriously. :)

Oh, birthday cake, I can't wait to eat you!

In a few of the pictures, we see the bubs' grandpop Bernie. He makes the trip up to the house, along with grandma Helen, twice a year. They travel up from Lynchburg, VA, where the bubs' mom was born. Grandpop Bernie grew up in Wisconsin and later, Oregon. Grandma Helen was born in the Phillipines and made the journey over to San Fransisco, with her family when she was a little girl. They made their way to the states on a Naval ship, courtesy of her grandfather who never returned home after serving with America during the Spanish American War. He decided to stay in the Phillipines. Apparently, the military honors their return trip no matter how long we wait. Grandma Helen is also a member of the DAR, Daughters of the Revolution. She has ties back to the Revolutionary War. Her grandfather was from the northeast.  She visits the historical archives, in the New York area, whenever up here. She spends a lot of time and works hard to learn more about her American heritage. At the same time, it must help her learn more about herself.

Grandma Kathy circa 1970

Bubs 1 blows out his candle

Bubs 1 was excited when he heard that his grandma and grandpa were coming up. It was exciting for me to watch his excitement. Last year, he was still seemingly unaware. However, this year held noticeable progress with his understanding of what was going on. Now that he's more aware and vocal, it makes me miss the time taken away from my mother, his grandma Kathy. She never had the opportunity to meet Bubs 1, because she passed away 18 years - almost to the day (Oct 4th) - before he was born. It's unreal to write that my mother died "18 years ago" and that instills in me a responsibility to keep her memory alive on this blog, so that both bubs can visit her anytime. This blog can serve as an artifact for them to get to know who she was, while allowing me the opportunity to write about her from post to post. Although I plan to be around a good long time and be a pain-in-the-ass for both these bubs, I'm sure that'll they'll learn a thing or two more about me after reading this blog.

I continue to learn more about myself with every post.

Pit Stop Turned Hay Ride

We took both bubs to a farm in upstate NY, on our way home from visiting uncle Vinny, cousins Gavin and Grace. We didn't know that this farm was here when we took a break from the road. It just happened upon us.

Within minutes all four of us were sitting on a trailer, sectioned with bales of hay for seats, hitched to a farm tractor. Our driver was a recently retired history teacher, who pleases his wife by staying out of the house working on the farm. Unfortunately, I'm forgetting his name. Now that it was about three weeks since this trip, my CRS is setting in. I was supposed to have this post up already, but now that I'm working myself... my free time has slipped away. At any rate, I digress. The history-teacher-turned-farm-tractor-hay-ride driver, yes - that guy. Well, he seemed to be enjoying the heck out of his new job and even offered Bubs 1 a seat on the big blue tractor.

At first, Bubs 1 seemed uninterested. He walked towards the trailer, instead of the tractor, when we asked him if he wanted to sit on the tractor. Then the interested seemed to seep into him. This is when Bubs 1 casually glanced over at the tractor, then he looked at us. We continued our encouragement. Bubs 1 stopped in his tracks, smiled and walked back over to me seemingly embarrassed by all the attention. Without asking again, I just picked him up and handed him over to the retired teacher, who placed the bubs on the tractor seat.
 Bubs 1 sat there silently looking around at the big ol tractor. I think he was amazed at the size of it. His no words described it perfectly. We went on to pick out some pumpkins in the patch and returned back to the farm. Our pit stop was done and back on the highway we went.

For the first 11 years of my life (before the shit hit the fan), I grew up in farm land country, in northern NJ. I remember a "Farm and Horse Show," in Sussex, NJ. It was about 30 minutes from our home. I think that we (my mother, brother and I) went there on a few Octobers. I have a memory of a picture (unfortunately not the event... more CRS??) where I was sitting on a pony. There was some other person holding the pony's straps (Bridle?) as they guided this pony in circles around a pen, giving rides to kids like me. I don't remember much else about this fair, but we're also talking about the 1970's so my memory may not be that bad at all.

Bubs 1 told his mom and me that he want's to be a ghost for Halloween. We were surprised, but very happy that he's taking an interest. So a ghost he'll be. I'm wondering if he'll allow us to put a sheet over his head? Not likely, so we'll have to get creative with this costume. I remember being a ghost when I was in Kindergarten (almost the same age as the bubs), but this memory also comes from a picture. There's another picture (where are all of these pictures!!!) of me somewhere standing in front of my old house in a Casper-the-Friendly-Ghost costume. You know the old school costumes with the mask that didn't allow you to breath properly? Yes, those.

Where are all of these pictures of me as a kid? Who knows. I think they were all left in that house I lost when my family fell apart. I'm glad that I'm keeping this blog, because I don't think that the Internet is going to be lost anytime soon.

Participating in Research Studies

Bubs 2's "brain cap" is made
up of magnetic sensors and
saline water

Bubs 1 chillin while his
brother participates in
research

We got up early, yesterday, and headed to Yale University's Child Study Center. Both Bubs 1 and 2, Mom, and I have done this trip a few times before, because Bubs 2 is the subject of a study. The research he participates in will hopefully help kids, like his brother, who sit on the autism spectrum. More specifically, he is participating with "...early detection of autism in infants; studies of basic mechanisms of socialization such as babies' preferential attention to the eyes, gaze, and voice of others..."

Bubs 2 has no autism spectrum diagnosis (yet and hopefully never), but he qualifies for this study because his brother, Bubs 1, is on the spectrum.

Bubs 1 and I ran trucks like
these up and down the
hallways at the
study center.

We decided to include Bubs 2 in the Yale study, because we wanted to learn more about Bubs 1. We also wanted to have early intervention for Bubs 2, in case there is anything going on with him. In addition, we felt that having access to as many resources as possible could only position us in good company as we learned more about Bubs 1.

 As part of this research study, Bubs 2 gets to where an electroencephalographic "brain cap," which he wears while watching videos. He's a good little participant. Wearing that cap doesn't seem to be uncomfortable for him. It's basically a bunch of small, magnetic sensors that fit around his head. Nothing sharp. However, it is wet. There is a saline solution that apparently allow the sensors to receieve his brain waves more easily.

Bubs 2 participating in research by
donning a "brain cap"

While down at Yale yesterday morning, we were informed that the Child Study Center happened to be hosting a get-together for the families involved in their research, staff and faculty included. Although Bubs 2 was a bit tired from all his research activities, we still attended. He eventually fell asleep while we hung out in the Center's courtyard, meeting many individuals associated with the study. As I held Bubs 2, his mom and I watched Bubs 1 enjoying himself while he played with other the kids in the courtyard. There were bubbles (a very cool bubble machine), bean bag tossing, face painting and animal-shaped balloons. The members of the child study team greeted us warmly. They thanked us for Bubs 2's participation. We, Bubs 1's mom and I, found ourselves unexpectedly relaxed while watching Bubs 1 play with the other kids.

Cool toys for siblings who wait

We felt a membership with this group of people even though it was the first time that we had met many of them. We met the faculty member who is leading the study that requires the  electroencephalographic cap. I told him how much my wife and I were enjoying our visit there. As a rule, we are usually never that relaxed when Bubs 1 is playing with other kids. As I mentioned in a previous blog post, we never know when the bubs will need our help. The faculty member, Jamie, said that we were surrounded by individuals that have been working with ASD kids for many years. When Jamie said that, I felt some invisible weight fall from my shoulders. It was subtle, but noticeable. I wasn't aware of the amount of stress I was under when simply watching Bubs 1 play with friends. 

This experience also helped me revise my current approach, when working with Bubs 1. No more getting over-aggravated with him. No more expecting him to behave like the other kids. I know that this sounds silly, because we've read and have been told that Bubs 1 will operate differently and that our window of opportunity to help him jump these gaps (of social challenges) is now. I was allowing this stress to build. This gathering, along with Bubs 1's occupational therapist, has been supportive in my efforts to rethink my change in working with the bubs.

Bubs 2 even scored some
Puffs treats for his
participation.

My focus is getting healthier. I no longer want to continue to build the stress, which has been weighing me down. In the larger picture, Bubs 1 is very lucky. There are many other kids much deeper into the spectrum than he is. Bubs 1 is just on the border and his challenges are repairable. He is in a preschool where the teachers and staff are well aware of his needs. We, his mom and I, have learned about how to "work" with him at home for his sensory needs. The latter is where I've been focusing more on.

In addition to suggesting gum chewing, Bubs 1's OT suggested that we also provide sensory stimuli when helping him redirect his behavior. So, I tickle him now. It's changed how the bubs decides to follow his mom's and my direction. He's more willing to do what we say if we tickle him while reinforcing our direction. He laughs and laughs while yelling "no." Then when the tickling's done he gets up and does what he's been told to do. Simple.
 

Little does Bubs 2 know, how much his participation is helping his family members, especially his older brother. One thing is for sure, it is helping his mom and me to be better parents for them both.

What Does "It" Look Like?

Bubs feeling the shells under his feet

 There are many times when I think that Bubs 1's PDD-NOS diagnosis was/is one big mistake. These times come when I subtly observe family and friends observing him. These times also typically occur within intimate environments, where the bubs is quite comfortable. He operates like a neurotypical kid in these spaces - most times. He also is on his best behavior in front of new people in these intimate spaces. He loves new people. It's amazing to watch him perform. It tells me that the bubs understands what his challenges are, but doesn't want people to know about them. He wants to fit in.

Don't we all.

There are also times when he's overwhelmed and can't hide his social challenges, whether or not new people are present. There are also times when he seems to be aware of his crowd and isn't concerned with acting out. I know, it sounds like a normal toddler. I heard people say this too. I mention an ASD characteristic and somebody responds with the could-be-just-a-normal-kid reply. I hate those responses and they usually come from people who have little knowledge of toddlers and even less knowledge of autism.

I was the first one to say that the bubs was normal, when his teachers said that we may want to consider having him evaluated. I also knew that there was something going on with the bubs. It was inconsistent and subtle. The parameters weren't linear.

To imply that the bubs mom and I just said "ok" when advised of the likelihood that he was on the spectrum, without questioning it, dismisses our credentials.

bubs first camping trip

Last July, when Bubs 1's autism was diagnosed, the evaluator commented that if there was to be a diagnosis there that it was going to fall near the border of the spectrum. He even used a baseball analogy of the uncertainty of a base hit down the third base line until it falls. His evaluation was thorough. Bubs 1's mom and I recognize it as legitimate. Even Bubs 1's pediatrician commented on the thoroughness of the diagnosis.

The diagnosis is now a side bar.

Bubs 1's mom and I are focused on learning about this spectrum. Bubs 1's mom will have him involved with a university study soon. We'll even get another evaluation as part of it. Bubs 2 too. He's in another study. Autism can strike twice in one family.

On the subject of learning about ASD, what I found out this past weekend is just how invisible this level of autism is. Within the setting of our home and other intimate environments, Bubs 1 is just another three-year-old boy walking, running and talking with his family and friends. Typical toddler ostacles too, i.e. learning to share and eating all his veggies. Bubs 1 can fool most people of his spectrum disorder if they did not know what to look for.

However, I see it and so does his mom.

bubs running the boardwalk

While camping in the backyard of a friends home this past weekend, the bubs was involved in his first camping experience. There were many other kids too. Parents and kids combined. The bubs seemed overwhelmed with it all. An event that stands out most in my mind is when one of the parents provided all the kids thin, wood-glider airplanes to play with. It was a very nice gesture. All the kids were throwing their gliders into the air and then chasing it down when it landed. I remember looking over at Bubs 1. He was sitting there crying. On his knees he began smashing his airplane into the ground, repeatedly. All the while he cried out, "My airplane is broken. It won't work!" He seemed to have stunned a few other kids with his behavior. I overheard one ask another, "What's wrong with him?" Most of the kids gathered around him and a few even tried to console the bubs. "Look," said one kid, "mine's broken too." She was trying to show him that it's nothing to cry about. Unfortunately, it didn't work. The bubs just cried louder.

This is an example of where I saw the autism, but nobody else did. It was subtle. It was almost invisible. Yes, many toddlers have meltdowns like this. However, as I mentioned earlier in this post, I know the bubs and it was different from his normal meltdowns. I noticed "something else" operating there.

Bubs with his cousin

To help him, I broke out some neon wrist bracelets that I brought from home. I asked him for his help. He noticed the neon pictures on the label and quickly obliged. We cracked, shook and connected the ends to form bracelets for each neon straw. I gave the bubs a handful and told him to give each of the kids a bracelet. He did. Bubs 1's mom learned this about the bubs. Just give him a task and empower him, she discovered. He loves to take control of his own actions. He loves to tell me, "I'll do it by myself, daddy."

It was great to watch him run around handing out a bracelet to each kid. I was aware that the bubs was likely feeling sensitive to crying in front of the other kids earlier. This task helped him regain some respect from his peers. I could tell this by the look in his face as he handed out the bracelets.

Some of the other parents helped us, but one couple didn't. In fact, they were pretty transparent about their feelings. They never came out and directly said anything, but their body language told the whole story. Face expressions included. What this couple didn't see, could never be explained to them.

bub's first tent

I had to let them go.

What I saw in the bubs was a kid who wanted to play with his friends, but struggled to navigate the social space due to overwhelming stimulus around him. He doesn't like it when kids laugh at him and he's very sensitive to ridicule. Thankfully, these kids didn't laugh at him. And most were even helpful. The bubs had a couple of other breakdowns later, but they were just par for the course. I knew that he worked hard to overcome his challenges. I knew that he didn't choose to be overstimulated. He worked very hard that night to be like the other kids. He did a damn good job too.

I was very proud of him.

My job is simple. Help the bubs learn to operate in groups according to mainstream standards, while also letting him know that he is perfect the way he is. Simple, but not necessarily easy.