Misleading Knowledge

Last Saturday, we stepped outside to simply blow bubbles in the driveway. Then, one thing led to another, and soon Bubs 1 and I were washing cars. I should say that I was doing most of the washing. Bubs 1 was mostly playing with the hose and in a puddle. I helped him with the latter. I obliged by adding more water to it via a down stream of water, from the hose. "Yeah, good job daddy. A creek! That's a creek! Good job," said Bubs 1 as he pointed to the stream of water.

I tried to focus on the bubs' "car washing" escapades, but my mind kept replaying a response that I received from the Bubs' preschool's assistant director. A couple days prior, during a Planning and Placement Team (PPT) meeting, I asked the school administrator how Bubs 1 can get extra services added to his IEP. More specifically, I asked for a one-on-one aide work alongside Bubs 1.

As I asked this question, I quietly heard other members at the PPT table make subtle acknowledgements. "Mmmmmm" was one that I recall (translated: "good question"). It turned out to be a question that costs lots of money. Students, in special education programs, apparently cost more money than an "average" student.

"Parent advocacy," was the response I was given, from the school administrator (translated: "The school may not openly suggest all available services for your child's learning disability"). This translation may sound negative towards the school, but that is not my intention. It just means that no one knows your child better than you and the school may not see the whole child from simply two hours per day. Advocating for your child is simply telling school admin/teachers how your child operates best. I don't have a problem "speaking up," so I look forward to these meetings. In fact, I tend to go overboard when it comes to social justice (just ask my Facebook friends). I learned more special education language, i.e. PPT, SDI, IEP etc., because this terminology can become language barriers, if you don't understand the code. Code switching occurs when special education is discussed. I'm even going to advocate for the term "learning abled" instead of "learning disabled," because the latter is socially misleading and educationally inaccurate.

I trust all the teachers and social workers, when it comes to listening to them on what they think Bubs 1 needs. It's the administration team that I focus on. They are the gate keepers of the school's budget. They will, by federal mandate, grant you your services. However, if it is an expensive service and the state is cutting school budgets (which is happening in most states nowadays), there will likely be some subtle push back. This is when the hidden power becomes deceptively visible. Part of their job is to maintain a school budget while your job is to get the services for your child.

It can be a cold-war, power struggle at the table. Big, little-understood words may be used as weapons - not to hurt - but to subtly sidestep costly services.

Parent advocacy is understanding that more power (federal law) is on their side, although the negotiations for your child's IEP occur under intimidating environments, i.e. in a school conference room (their turf) with directors, social workers and a district lawyer.

I disagree when it's said that it costs more to educate a student in a special education program. What costs more is this misleading knowledge, which perpetuates the idea that these students are a burden.

The At-Home Dad Uniform

Wake up early and feed Bubs 1 breakfast. Check. Change his diaper and assist in brushing his teeth. Check. Encourage him to pick out some clothes and help him dress. Check.

Shower for dad? Mmm... depends on the day. I stay home all day. Who do I need to shower for?

If you've seen Mr Mom, then you're likely familiar with the scene when Michael Keaton's character beings hallucinating and projecting his own demise. Among other indicators of losing track of purpose as an at-home dad, he wears a flannel shirt for over two weeks straight, doesn't shave and likely has forgotten to shower.

I can relate. I've written a blog about being confused in attempting to organize which shoes are my "in house" shoes, which pair were my shoes for the basement and which shoes for for wearing only in the garage? Why was I trying to organize such goofiness? Well, this is my job and when I started it, over two years ago, I was not provided a training guide. I was simply trying to figure out the job duties. I found myself creating too much "office policy" and soon started micromanaging my own clothing. To make a long story short, I finally figured out which shoes are worn where. I have to focus on the product here.

My kids are the product of this job - not me. The shoes shoes shouldn't have gotten in the way, but they nearly drove me nuts. I should just wear an employee uniform, complete with a name tag that says, "Dad." That's it.

The pictures I share on this blog show my "uniform" for the past three days (and nights) - straight. That's right, I said "straight." No washing, no mercy. Complete with scruff. It's about the kids now, not me.

Soon, both bubs will be old enough to recognize my behavior. I'll be a role model and this will require me to practice better hygiene.

Consequently, there are pajama jeans on the market that (mostly women) are buying. Here's a pair. I was made aware of these pj jeans while reading a friend's discussion on Facebook recently. She was posing the question on whether she should invest in a pair. She is an at-home mom with three kids and also works from the home. It was this post that I realized I lost out on a potential money maker. Pajamas that look like jeans? One can wear them to bed and all day long? Dammit! I've been doing this for a couple of years already. This should have been my entrepreneurial idea. I responded to her post.

I wrote something to the effect of, "I'm doing this every day, but with real jeans." Basically implying that she should not feel embarrassed and to purchase a pair. What a loss! I could have made a potential bundle! I'll keep an eye out for the next big thing. A lesson learned.

Maybe an at-home dad uniform isn't a bad idea after all? Complete with the necessary pockets to hold tissues, binkys and one to collect all the choking hazzards, i.e. safety clips and rubber bands, that tend to exist all around the house. I like it. It's sounding like a great idea.

Good thing this blog is time-stamped.

Bubs 2, Sleeping Patterns and Self Soothing

Bubs 2 shows his neck strength

Bubs 2 is about one week away from his four-month benchmark. This kid gave me a run-for-my-money (horse racing reference) when he was first born. I thought I was the expert baby whisperer, due to my vast experience with one child (sarcasm). I believe there is a past blog on here somewhere that described a couple nights where I sat on the couch and hoped to nap for ten-minute intervals while the Bubs 2 rested between his protests.

He's sort of mellowed in his old age. I stress "sort of." We still wrap him in the Miracle Blanket and play static on the radio to knock him out during naps and nights. He sleeps through the night unless he's got a bad case of teething. He smiles all of the time during his waking hours. This is the good part.

I talk with him and we get into some serious discussions. He matches me sound for sound and Bubs 2 will even growl (most times) if I do first. He also loves to chat with his older bro, Bubs 1. Bubs 1 imitates Bubs 2's chatter and also updates him on the adventures of Lightening McQueen and Holly Shiftwell.

Bubs 2 gets a closer look

However, not all the talk is fun. The magic of parenting isn't all bliss. Sometimes Bubs 1, his mom and I all get frustrated when Bubs 2 cries.

Bubs 1 makes positive attempts, but typically ends up losing it when consoling his brother. It'll always being with a pleasant, "Don't cry (Bubs 2), it's ok," but always ends up with him yelling, "It's ok (Bubs 2)! Stop crying! Eaaaa!" Sometimes I have the two of them crying (in the car) in stereo and this makes me crazy. If I can quiet Bubs1, it will still not quiet Bubs2. But, if I can quiet Bubs 2, then it will quiet Bubs 1. The problem is that I can't quiet a baby as easily as a toddler. Confusing? Only to the non-parent.

Although, it is getting better. Bubs 1 has learned to take deep breaths when his little brother is crying uncontrollably (thanks to his mom teaching him). This works most times, but not all. But like I said, things are getting better. For example, Bubs 2 has patterns developing.

Some of the patterns that seem to guarantee (almost guarantee) a way to sooth Bubs 2 (in addition to the blanket wrap and static), include: Loading him into the Ergo baby carrier, which I wear and offers the unwritten guarantee of putting him to sleep. What else? Oh, I can also place him in the baby swing, wrapped up with the static playing. So many choices. That latter is good for anywhere between 30 and 60 minutes of peace and quiet.  Of course, there's always the car ride that'll put Bubs 2 into a long sleep.

Mom and Bubs 2 today

However, there has been times (especially recent times) when Bubs 2 has just refused to follow his patterns of falling to sleep at night. Lately, he's been showing signs of more protesting. Just last night, he kept crying and crying. His mom and I picked him up a couple of times, but then realized that we were to stick to our understanding that Bubs 2 is at the point when he needs to learn how to sooth himself. So we keep to his bedtime routine so that he recognizes what is to follow - sleep. This takes a dimly lit room and a closed door and at least 20 yards of "buffer zone" between him and his mom and me.

A little bit of experience helps and we have Bubs 1 to thank for that.

Bubs 2 does his Houdini "escape" trick

Bubs 1 had us sleeping out in the living room, back in our Los Angeles apartment. Bubs 1 had our room all to himself. I think mom and I are smarter this time around. Bubs 2 isn't getting our bedroom all to himself. We gave him mom's office - with static.

Maybe he can field some of her emails while he's down there.

A Crack in the Track

 While Bubs 1 and I walked on campus today, I noticed that he decided to walk along the curb and balance himself. I thought that this was a good idea and I followed him (with the camera). We both came upon something in our path that he recognized. "Daddy, look. A crack in the track!" he shouted.  The Bubs discovered a crack in the curb. He made a connection to Thomas the Tank Engine story, "A Crack in the Track."

We examined the crack in the curb. It was big. Bubs 1 kicked it and bent over to get a closer look at it. All together, we spent about 5 minutes of our walk analyzing this crack-in-the-curb. The time really wasn't a factor, since we still had an hour to burn before getting Bubs 2 back to mom for a feeding. However, I was concerned that Bubs 2 would wake. I had him out cold in the Ergo baby carrier, which I was wearing. I had to keep moving. I wanted to tell the Bubs 1 this, but I knew that he would not grasp the concept of the time thing.

So I walked in circles while Bubs 1 continued his inspection of the crack. I didn't mind the extra time, because I knew that Bubs 1 was constructing new knowledge. He already had knowledge of the Thomas book prior to discovering the crack in the curb. My guess is that he was building upon his understanding of how a "crack" in one's path can become an obstacle, just like it did when Thomas came upon a crack-in-his-track. However, the crack-in-the-curb didn't stop us. This is where, in my opinion, Bubs 1 was making new meaning. Perhaps he wouldn't have even stopped at this crack-in-the-curb if he hadn't known the story of the crack-in-the-track?

Just think that some weathered piece of cement helped created all this new knowledge.

Bubs and Education

Bubs 1 and his Harvard onsie

The two bubs have their 529 college funds in place. They're mom took care of this after each one was born. Impressive. It was exactly how she was raised. The bubs will be reminded throughout their lives, like she was, that they will have the privilege to attend college. The idea of attending college will likely be ingrained into each of them. His mom and I will remind them of the privilege and opportunity that they can take advantage of after they graduate high school. We will be able to also tell them that not all kids have the opportunity to go to college.

Bubs 2 and his UCLA tshirt

When I was growing up going to college was an opportunity, but never discussed. I only remember my father mentioning it one time. When I was 17, and I just received my driver's license, my father was able to purchase a second car and leave his first car in the driveway for me to use. I remember him saying, "If you change the oil every (3,000 or 6,000 miles), then this car will take you through college."

Bubs 2 on Wilkes U campus

His statement shocked me. I'll never forget the feeling, as I stood there in the kitchen of his house on Layton Road.


I'm not sure if I was more shocked about the fact that I was about to have a car that I could use whenever I needed, or the fact that I was expected to go to college. The reason it was so shocking was because I had never been to a college-campus visit or on a tour. I didn't even take the SAT exam. My high school counselor never said a word to me about college. It wasn't that I never thought I would or wouldn't attend college, but rather it was the simple fact that I was never asked to think about it. When I lived with my mother, she never mentioned it. She never went to college herself. However my father did attend college when I was 8, 9 and 10 years old. He gained his college degree(s) prior to leaving the family and moving to another state for a job. In hindsight, I'm surprised that he never took the lead on getting me prepared for college when I started high school. Needless to say, after he said his statement about using the car through college, it was never discussed again until I graduated high school. I ended up registering for classes (last minute) at a local community college after the summer.

That was the start of my 14-year college career to attain a four-year degree. Better late than never, I say. :)

Savings Jar

I decided to tell Bubs 1 that this was his "savings jar" (pictured left). It was just a large pickle jar where I was collecting loose change of mine. I think that if he has a visual of what a "savings" looks like, then he can begin to grasp the concept more easily (as his mom and I begin reminding him of his college savings).

I can't wait to tell my two little guys the story about how I found out that I was going to college. It's not the best story, but it's going to be a reminder to them that a successful college career should be planned well ahead of the first day of classes. Plus, when it comes to how our society distributes jobs and makes decisions on who gets which job, a college degree is a must.

I'm already thinking about scheduling a campus tour at a nearby university. I wonder if the university tour guide will allow me time to change a diaper or two along the campus walk?

When Its Time to Potty Train

Bubs 1 has been showing signs of aggression at his pre school recently. We receive emails periodically from his teacher informing us on his progress, but recent emails have been hard for bub's mom and me to read. What we're reading is that he is displaying aggressive behavior during the mornings, while at preschool. I'm sure that most three-year-olds have issues since that's a part of their social development.

Bubs 1's mom and I have only taught him to be polite. He says, "thank you," "please," and "I'm sorry" when a situation calls for it. He spends "time outs" when he is not behaving well. At the same time, we are aware that he simply doesn't like being told that something he considers to be fun is coming to an end. Again, not many three-year-olds do. Not many adults do, for that matter. Whenever I give him a five-minute notice that a transition is coming, he tells me, "No. Stop it daddy. Stop it." Or, he'll respond with, "No. I can't do (whatever is coming next). I can't do that." If he's really into what he's doing, it can simply be an all-out meltdown (especially when he's at his friend's house, next door!).


The way I see it is that he's a healthy three-year-old trying to use his words properly to communicate his likes and dislikes. Change is hard at many ages. The meltdowns are just part of the fun.

However, some of the aggressive behavior that Bubs 1 is displaying at school involves hitting classmates. This is not acceptable to his mom or me. We've been told, by friends, that this is also three-year-old behavior, but it doesn't sit well with us. His mom and I, and his preschool teacher, have been racking our brains trying to figure out what's going on with him to cause him to hit others. His mom may have just discovered a reason the other day.

While hiking, Bubs 1 and mom were on a trail in the woods nearby the home. Bubs had to "go poops," but didn't know where to hide and do his business. His environment was unfamiliar. So, he scampered off the path and squatted behind a tree. But before he did this, he charged mom and ran right into her legs. I believe he even was pushing her. She was shocked. She said she was wondering what had came over the Bubs. That's when he ran off behind the tree. She recognized that he had to go poops. He is still in a diaper, but the privacy thing is still important. Perhaps he is aggressive when either he doesn't know the words or doesn't how or when to use them? This is a typical social thing?  He knows the words, "potty," and "poops," but may be embarrassed to use them? Whenever I ask him if he needs to poop, he quickly replies, "no." That's it. Nothing else is said. He even changes the subject most times.

His teacher now knows and also thinks there may be a connection. We'll just have to wait and see how it all plays out. His teacher did say that he had a BM shortly after a few of his aggressive acts. Hopefully this is the reason for most of his aggression, directly and indirectly. All the books say to not push a toddler to poop in the potty. "They" say that it has to happen on their time.

It's a challenge to not "buy in" to the mainstream rhetoric about the "proper time" to potty train your child. The social pressure increases when the child is in preschool and "other people" are assumed to be making judgments on your parenting skills.

Maybe all he needs is some solid (no pun intended) reading material to make him comfortable with the whole potty/pooping thing? I'll re-subscribe to Sports Illustrated and get this potty thing taken care of once and for all.

Reading by Decoding

The Bubs can't read words yet, but he probably can recognize a few. After we read, "Are you my Mother," last night, he asked if we could read it again. So we did. He stopped me half way through the book and flipped the pages back to the start. He then began telling ME the story. So I sat back and listened (with amazement and pride). Bubs 1 went through most of the pages and told me about the story. He probably used his memory of the story combined with the pictures on the pages. Tomorrow, I'll ask him to tell me a story BEFORE he has had a chance to hear it. Early childhood educators call this "picture walking" when they are teaching students to read. Many early education teachers "walk" their students through the book and ask "what is happening" on every page with a picture corresponding to the text.

In Connecticut (maybe many other states?), the No Child Left Behind (NCLB) federal mandate requires all Kindergarten students to leave Kindergarten with the ability to read 60 words per minute - fluently. In a Kindergarten classroom that I observed recently, the teacher told me that it's not a realistic goal for the students in her classroom, because of the different levels of "knowledge" every student brings with them to school. However, she said that there is a significant difference in Kindergarten students that occurs between September and June.

Bubs 1 is already showing examples of decoding a story through pictures. This tells me that he holds knowledge of the items symbolized by the pictures. He understands what a bird is and therefore has understanding when he sees a picture of a bird, although he may not be able to read or write the word "b-i-r-d." It would be inaccurate of me to conclude that he has less knowledge, or no understanding, of what a bird is simply because he cannot read or write the word in English. However, the methods of measuring student knowledge in most schools, i.e. standardized tests, may assess otherwise. I'm sure that his mom and I will prepare him the best we can before he begins Kindergarten, but not all kids have the resources that the bubs has.

Since a meaningful public education is really just accessible to a portion of school-aged children in our nation and competition is getting more and more fierce for the remaining children, his mom and I may just "redshirt" him a few years before he begins. Maybe starting Kindergarten at age nine will put him at the top of his class each year?